"I'm sorry that I can't give you happiness"

3 seconds into our 3rd year anniversary. This was the last gift he gave me and he was gone.

The sky shared my sorrow as we cried through numerous sleepless night, trying to find the answer to the sharp pain in my heart.

1412 text messages. 502 unanswered calls. Maybe he was busy, maybe his phone battery was flat. Excuse. It was my 2nd companion in life since he left.

Then came Saturday. With hopes of seeing him in the studio, I glued my shattered heart together. A little shaky but I guessed it could last me till I see him again.

Dancing became a torture. Each beat was like s stab through my heart, each forte sucked my soul away. It became tiring. I had no one to impress, no one to lean on. I lost all motivation, all inspiration to keep me going. Time was ticking, class was ending, his presence... Still missing. They told me to be strong, they told me to move on, but every step I took only made me weaker.

Every night I heard his voice, I saw his figure. I could feel his breathe against my neck, his kiss against my skin. However, when I tried to reach out to him, to hug him, to embrace him, reality slapped me in the face and woke me up.

Unknowingly, I was on the bus to his house and my legs took me to his camp. Everyday, I journeyed to the East, in search for my remedy for this broken heart. The clock was counting down, the glue was melting. Where are you? Are you watching? Are you living well? Unanswered questions remained.

1 year passed, the glue lost its effect, my heart lost control. I ran out of excuses. With a bleeding heart, I lived each day in solemn. One thing for sure, he was still watching. He blue-ticked my Whatsapp messages and watched my Snapchat. I continued to keep him updated of my life, every single bits of it as if we were still together.

Winter, Spring, Summer, Autumn. Every season was cold. Silent. My eyes ran out of tears, my heart ran out of blood. 3 years. It took me 3 years to put him at the back of my mind, hidden and locked. With my heart and mind secured in the right place, I flew to China for my studies immersion.

Lived in the tiny red dot called Singapore, I had never seen him on the streets. Yet of all places, there he stood, on the opposite end of the escalator. Our eyes met. I felt the shattered pieces of my heart piercing into my flesh like chemical reactions, my mind went berserk. It was not joy that I felt when I saw him. It was pain. His gaze was my Pandora's Box.

Just as we both got on the opposite end of the escalator, a girl flung her arms around his neck, a kiss on his cheek and looked in the directions he was staring at. She stared at me with a puzzled expression.

原来你过得很好，也许是我太天真；
也许我不够好，没想象的那么重要。
无缘而烦恼，只怪我自己太傻……
说是为我而跑，为何不带着我跑。
哭过了就是春天，笑过了又是冬天；
这些都不重要，因为没有了你，我天天都是阴天……

They said the first is always the hardest, yet the most memorable love. Painfully true. There was happiness, but maybe I was the only happy one in this story of you and me. The reason for his departure remains a mystery. I stopped questioning. It doesn't matter anymore.

-End of #1-

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